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So before you give up on your marriage and family, consider if what you’re trading it in for is just a mirage or fantasy. When I’m having a hard time making a decision, I often find it helpful to get my thoughts out of my head. You find yourself being hurt when they cancel plans, and there’s a tiny stab in your heart every time they mention their partner’s name. But this person also gets to show their best side to you right now. But, how long will he wait? Realize that leaving your husband will also affect your children, and your relationship WITH your children. I remember feeling like no matter what I did it would hurt, and I was right. In your mind, you’ll be divorcing your husband because you don’t feel in love with him like your affair partner.
( I go into more detail about the brain chemicals behind that ‘feeling’ that we all have in the beginning of relationships below in #3).
You may have kids together but the connection between you has grown cold or stale. Since that time we have talked more often and we always seem to connect. You might even think if they loved you, they’d leave their partner, but it’s never that easy. To those of us who admittedly don’t like Trump, this appears to be poetic justice. 4.
23% of the men surveyed said the leading cause of their affair was due to a lack of sexual satisfaction. You might even feel he’s your ‘soul mate’, and you can’t even remember feeling this way about your spouse. That includes 15% of married people who are having those feelings as well. Just remember, feelings lie to us everyday. They are married and have fallen in love with someone else. So, to alleviate that pain and confusion, something’s gotta give right? This is because most affairs don’t last longer than 3-36 months. Even if you manipulated events just right beforehand to have it happen, it still probably took you by surprise that you actually did it.
Now, that one will take some time to get over.
And now… you’re married but in love with someone else. I made the decision to stop going out with people that I had so much fun with because I felt it would be better for myself and guy number two if I wasn’t around. Between the brain chemicals that do their number on us, keeping us connected to someone that might not be good for us. Let’s look at them: You probably realize that any decision you make will be painful. When you’re married but in love with someone else, there’s a tearing of your soul and most people know they can’t go on like that forever. They feel guilty that they are married but still attracted to someone else.
You have successfully created the prettiest, safest bubble where everything seems perfect when you’re together and it’s good. The friendship is usually a little tricky, feelings are hard to turn off, but maybe you can step away and reconnect later. The consequence to this is the decision may be made for you, as I explain in #4.
Until then, just focus on being your very best self.
Just be aware, there will come a time when this early ‘love phase’ levels off and you’ll realize he has flaws and short comings like your spouse does, maybe just different ones. Do want to read posts that offer more help? But don’t do it. He seems to understand you and is in tune with your feelings.
You’ve acknowledged that you’re in love with someone who isn’t “yours,” someone who is in a committed relationship, so you’ll try to set rules for yourself. He doesn’t have to fight with you about the kids and disciplining differences or in-law issues.
You’ll probably get your first taste of reality when you start questioning your self-worth. Your husband will find out and want to end the marriage quickly. I think that for most women who strayed- they would probably identify a need to escape, wanting deeper connection, or a desire to be wanted, as one of the main reasons for their affair.
But if they don’t, you start moving on with your life. Do Not Sell My Personal Information. Believe me, I did this myself too. It probably wouldn’t be you. On a side note, are you having a hard time believing you could have even been swept up in an affair? Take my self paced course to learn how to end your affair for good and reclaim your life.
This may already be something you’ve tried. Yet, maybe you believe you love your affair partner. And sweetheart, that is no way to live.
At the end of the day, it sucks for all involved. Feelings are tricky. So, what are you supposed to do when you’re married but in love with someone else?
So, here are 2 scenarios that could happen, Either: A. By this point, you’re in. (i.e. Every effort to end the affair leaves you going right back into your affair partners arms again. Would love your thoughts, please comment. Yea, I know, kinda selfish huh?
I Dare You! When all is said and done, though, you met someone and you shared something beautiful. I know I was pretty direct here, but I felt I needed to really lay it out for you on what your choices are. Read my post would your affair partner make a good husband? Oxytocin is the chemical that seems that helps create the bond between two individuals. Marriage is a commitment that's supposed to last until the end of your life.
(Or, your spouse knows, but has lost patience waiting for you to get it together and end the affair.
Now, this can go one of several ways: You can decide to step away. And if the universe is feeling particularly playful, there might even be a moment when they call you by the other person’s name. Whether those people are our spouse, our kids, the families involved, our jobs, the affair partner etc… We want to believe we don’t have that much control, but it’s a ripple effect on others. You start wondering “Am I enough?” And you are, logically, you know you’re fucking amazing. You probably didn’t plan for it to happen. Maybe a part of your heart is still for your husband, you love him, or did love him. Your lover will get tired of waiting for you to move forward with him.
I wanted to touch on that because it helps to understand the neurological response happening inside us when we’re in a new relationship.
Will you regret changing your life because you believed them? Read my post would your affair partner make a good husband? But perhaps the worst option is if they decide to break it off completely without giving you a say or a heads up. A few texts here, a phone call there.
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